12 Annoying Truths About Marriage
- Marriage is NOT a cure for your loneliness;
You must learn to love your own company first before settling down with anybody. If you are uncomfortable with being alone, please don’t go seeking for someone to ‘treat your malady of loneliness’, that’s an issue that you have to address by yourself and get to a place where you feel like it’s alright to be by yourself and you are not seeking someone else to make you whole. If you fail to do this then then you will make that person feel miserable every waking moment because you will soon realize is that he/she is incapable of fulfilling that need.
- Marriage is the place where your words don’t matter;
Before you commit yourself to getting married, you need to resolve within your heart as to whose word will have the final say, is it you, your partner or God’s? If you are married and you are still at that point of struggling to be right with your own words, then you are fighting a losing battle. It’s never about what you think or what you say but rather what He(God) says.
- Marriage is not an democracy, it is an autocratic dictatorship with a currency of obedience because none of you have ‘rights’;
Both of you are subjects to a supreme ruler and your feelings have no accommodation in his grand scheme of marital operation. If you are single and you have a problem with authority then pause again and ask yourself, “Do I really want to get married?”
- Marriage is NOT a good thing;
I’m sorry we have peddled this lie for too long and painted a façade that’s a far cry from the reality, well I’m here to burst your bubbles, it’s not. Think of marriage like an empty shell that welcomes anything and everything. It can become the permanent or temporary home of all the love, wisdom/foolishness/ignorance/goodness, or stupidity that both of you choose to continually pour in it. I can guarantee you that it will never reject what reside in you, it welcomes them and incubates them and they multiply and grow with time. Didn’t Paul tell us that, “…those who marry will face troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this…”1 Corinthians 7:28b, yeah I just thought I should sneak it here and remind you.
- Marriage is a ruthless stripper;
It will undress everything that you were trying to hide during your courtship. If you have skeletons failed to address, major character flaws that you were careful to hide and loose strings that you failed to tie up then lo and behold, welcome to marriage reality show 101 where everything is laid bare. You can either choose to address the stark nudity that has been exposed and is glaring or stay that way and pretend that everything is alright and wait for it to blow up in your faces.
- Marriage is a truth teller.
It will correct the wrong notion that you have always had about love. The problem is many of us think we are right in our wrong understanding of this subject. Love is NOT a feeling, it is filling of conviction. It is the training of self to allow your will to override your emotions. Love that is expecting, loves without expecting.
- Marriage is a prison that sets you free;
Freedom in your marriage finds new meaning when both of you stop pretending because you realize that you are serving a life sentence with this person and so the real you starts emerging and you embrace this reality. You can as well call it a romantic incarceration of love mates!
- Marriage is the place where the right thing feels wrong and the wrong thing feels right;
You will constantly find yourselves at these crossroads and you will always have to make a decision. Choose wisely.
- Marriage is the place where your actions have a mouth and your words have a knife;
You can kill by what you say and you can heal by what you do and what you choose not to do. Remember Solomon put it so aptly in Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
- Marriage will be the place of bitter-ness or better-ness;
As you read this, you’re stuck in one of these two extremes; you’re either becoming bitter or better, the question is what will you do about it? There’s no such a thing as a marriage beyond repair; we only have spouses who can’t see beyond the repair.
- Marriage is a place of choices;
the current state of your marriage is a result of all the decisions that you made and failed to make. It was Israelmore Ayivor who rightly put it that, “Anyone who refuses to make a choice has already made a wrong choice by allowing his life for chance to rule!”
- Marriage is a cemetery where dead spouses grow and build vibrant families.
It therefore becomes the malicious suicide mission of the two people who are willing to become one.